favorite books
So, I’m filling out the little profile thing and it asks favorite books, movies, etc. Well, I just ramble on and on about my favorite books making little asides and pithy, self-deprecating remarks, and then I hit ‘submit’ and…oh, too many characters. Okay, okay, fine. I delete a bunch and then submit it and it’s this weird cluster of hyperlinks because it doesn’t want pithy remarks or why their your favorites, and so now with the punctuation rules in the profiles, it looks like one of my favorite books is called Dick; (oh.
Grrrrrrr.
I’m sure everyone else in the world knows that how those online profiles work, but sweet flaming Jesus, you don’t just ask someone for a list of their favorite books or movies and expect a concise, qualifier-free list! That’s madness! Madness! But then, I’m the one who can’t be bothered to learn to write code, right? I wanted a nice, tidy, pre-fab blog site. It’s just that I’ve had too many friends, reeking of coffee, BO and junk food, their eyes sunken from lack of sleep, saying, “Check this out! It took over 165 hours of work, but now when you click here? A Wookie shits on Osama bin Laden! Hahahahahaha!” or whatever, and somehow html just dropped on my priorities list.
Plus, I mean, seriously. When you ask for a basic, no-frills list of favorite books or movies or music, you don’t get a no-frills list of favorite books, movies, etc. You get ‘Here’s a list of books that I hope impress you, and they would be my favorites if I were as cool and smart and edgy as I almost am, and wish I were, and will be someday when I quit dorking around and, you know, self-actualize or blossom or find my focus or something. Oh God, I’m pathetic. Please love me.’
This is just the book list, too. I’m going to need a nap and an energy shake or something before I can tackle the movies. Jesus, there goes my weekend. So anyway, here’s my current list of favorite books. Obviously, this list will change frequently due to remembering others, encountering new, etc.
Smarty books: Heart of Darkness – Conrad; Moby Dick – Melville (Oh, don’t roll your eyes at me. I’m serious. I’m not trying to be pretentious. I’m not! See below for an explanation); Great Gatsby – Fitzgerald; The Book of Laughter and Forgetting – Kundera; The Palm-Wine Drinkard – Amos Tutuola (Oh, for the love of God. Do you see what I just did? That's not one of my favorite books. That book is fucked up! Insane weird! It's interesting, but I didn't even particularly like it, to say nothing of it being one of my favorites. Things Fall Apart by Nigerian novelist Chinua Achebe is one of my favorite books, but everybody's read that one, so I had to think of a really obscure African novel to try and up my cool-quotient. Oh, God I'm pathetic. Please love me.).
Books I'm reading while pretending to read those mentioned above: Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next series; Lullaby – Palahniuk; America: the Book; Fast Food Nation – Schlosser; Tess Gerritsen mysteries; Sophie’s World – Gaarder; High Fidelity – Hornby. Using Blogs to Start Cults and Scam People out of Their Savings and Into Being Your Sexual Servants – Smithee.
Oh, wait. Disregard that last one.
Comics: Get Fuzzy – Darby Conley, This Modern World – Tom Tomorrow, Pearls Before Swine – Stephen Pastis, Mutts – Patrick McDonnell.
Newspapers: The Guardian; The Nation; The Onion.
Pamphlets: "Trial of the century - is Jesus really God?" (Left on windshield. Very funny stuff. I won’t spoil the verdict for you.)
Cereal boxes: Instant oatmeal packet "Dino-facts." (Disappointing and pedantic. A real step down from the ‘jokes n’ toast’ series)
Okay, the Moby Dick thing. Anyone who’s read it can tell you it’s chapters of intensity, excitement and profound thinking interspersed with stretches of astonishing dullness. Merchant and Ivory dull. Poor man’s anesthesia. But the book captures not just the insanity of vengeance, but the quest for that great, unnamable “It”. The thing we can never understand that defines us. Here is Byron’s guide for reading Moby Dick:
Obviously, an argument can be made for each chapter, like the one about species of whales. That’s the whole chapter. Melville saying, “There’s blue whales…aaaaaannnnd….Grey whales…um…whale sharks. They eat kelp…aaaanndd…”. And it’s awful and boring and, of course, incredibly outdated, but then you stop and say, “Oh the limits of our holy science! How Melville has captured the finiteness of knowledge, and the way no categorization can capture the white whale, and thus life itself! I would sit here and ponder this, except I’m feeling dizzy from beating my head on the table out of boredom!” So, at least on the first reading, read each chapter devoutly, as if the secret of life might jump out at any second, except the following: Skim chapters 23 – 25, 41, 43-47, 51 – 54. Chapters 55 – 92 you should read, but read like you kind of have to go to the bathroom, and maybe the kettle’s about to boil.
I know that’s a lot of skimming. Trust me.
Grrrrrrr.
I’m sure everyone else in the world knows that how those online profiles work, but sweet flaming Jesus, you don’t just ask someone for a list of their favorite books or movies and expect a concise, qualifier-free list! That’s madness! Madness! But then, I’m the one who can’t be bothered to learn to write code, right? I wanted a nice, tidy, pre-fab blog site. It’s just that I’ve had too many friends, reeking of coffee, BO and junk food, their eyes sunken from lack of sleep, saying, “Check this out! It took over 165 hours of work, but now when you click here? A Wookie shits on Osama bin Laden! Hahahahahaha!” or whatever, and somehow html just dropped on my priorities list.
Plus, I mean, seriously. When you ask for a basic, no-frills list of favorite books or movies or music, you don’t get a no-frills list of favorite books, movies, etc. You get ‘Here’s a list of books that I hope impress you, and they would be my favorites if I were as cool and smart and edgy as I almost am, and wish I were, and will be someday when I quit dorking around and, you know, self-actualize or blossom or find my focus or something. Oh God, I’m pathetic. Please love me.’
This is just the book list, too. I’m going to need a nap and an energy shake or something before I can tackle the movies. Jesus, there goes my weekend. So anyway, here’s my current list of favorite books. Obviously, this list will change frequently due to remembering others, encountering new, etc.
Smarty books: Heart of Darkness – Conrad; Moby Dick – Melville (Oh, don’t roll your eyes at me. I’m serious. I’m not trying to be pretentious. I’m not! See below for an explanation); Great Gatsby – Fitzgerald; The Book of Laughter and Forgetting – Kundera; The Palm-Wine Drinkard – Amos Tutuola (Oh, for the love of God. Do you see what I just did? That's not one of my favorite books. That book is fucked up! Insane weird! It's interesting, but I didn't even particularly like it, to say nothing of it being one of my favorites. Things Fall Apart by Nigerian novelist Chinua Achebe is one of my favorite books, but everybody's read that one, so I had to think of a really obscure African novel to try and up my cool-quotient. Oh, God I'm pathetic. Please love me.).
Books I'm reading while pretending to read those mentioned above: Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next series; Lullaby – Palahniuk; America: the Book; Fast Food Nation – Schlosser; Tess Gerritsen mysteries; Sophie’s World – Gaarder; High Fidelity – Hornby. Using Blogs to Start Cults and Scam People out of Their Savings and Into Being Your Sexual Servants – Smithee.
Oh, wait. Disregard that last one.
Comics: Get Fuzzy – Darby Conley, This Modern World – Tom Tomorrow, Pearls Before Swine – Stephen Pastis, Mutts – Patrick McDonnell.
Newspapers: The Guardian; The Nation; The Onion.
Pamphlets: "Trial of the century - is Jesus really God?" (Left on windshield. Very funny stuff. I won’t spoil the verdict for you.)
Cereal boxes: Instant oatmeal packet "Dino-facts." (Disappointing and pedantic. A real step down from the ‘jokes n’ toast’ series)
Okay, the Moby Dick thing. Anyone who’s read it can tell you it’s chapters of intensity, excitement and profound thinking interspersed with stretches of astonishing dullness. Merchant and Ivory dull. Poor man’s anesthesia. But the book captures not just the insanity of vengeance, but the quest for that great, unnamable “It”. The thing we can never understand that defines us. Here is Byron’s guide for reading Moby Dick:
Obviously, an argument can be made for each chapter, like the one about species of whales. That’s the whole chapter. Melville saying, “There’s blue whales…aaaaaannnnd….Grey whales…um…whale sharks. They eat kelp…aaaanndd…”. And it’s awful and boring and, of course, incredibly outdated, but then you stop and say, “Oh the limits of our holy science! How Melville has captured the finiteness of knowledge, and the way no categorization can capture the white whale, and thus life itself! I would sit here and ponder this, except I’m feeling dizzy from beating my head on the table out of boredom!” So, at least on the first reading, read each chapter devoutly, as if the secret of life might jump out at any second, except the following: Skim chapters 23 – 25, 41, 43-47, 51 – 54. Chapters 55 – 92 you should read, but read like you kind of have to go to the bathroom, and maybe the kettle’s about to boil.
I know that’s a lot of skimming. Trust me.
posted by MacLymont at 10:28 AM
1 Comments:
so true
ah! you capture the interest list with such perfection!
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